This is going to sound LAME. I am happy over a "profile picture".
Growing up in a super strict religious nucleus [read: nucleus. Not just my family, but an entire community], I have always donned the tudung. Sometimes unwillingly, sometimes proudly, sometimes in between.
Everyone thought I had a rebellious phase when I stopped wearing the hijab outside of school uniform. So did I. Little did I know, this "rebel" was who I really am.
Over time, fellow peers have gotten married, or simply sought for religion as they become more mature in life. On the other hand, I started to really be certain that the tudung and it's connotations are absolutely not for me.
Here's the problem - since I grew up with religion imposed on me, most of my official documents had me donning the garb. While I was not held at "gunpoint" or any other extreme ways of being forced, since the items were paid for [and usually officiated] by my parents, I had no choice but to go with what they deemed as acceptable: a tudung-ed girl.
As much as this deterred me from getting jobs, it has also gotten me jobs that required a "Muslim" face. But this was not just down to career prospects. I would place a new photo over my IC just to keep that picture hidden from everyone - including myself.
I am not embarrassed with Islam. It was just not an accurate representation of me.
Since passports were expected to be renewed more often, I remember being happy to have an official document with a recent picture of me; with my hair roaming free. I've learned to use it instead of my Identity Card (IC) for times when I want to dodge the elephant the room, or for when I just want to be seen as myself - not a part of a religious identity.
2021 came around, I was finally 30 years old. Regardless how many times we have lost our NRICs [or never], it was time to create a new one. I finally have my own money AND the authority as a legal adult to create this new piece of legal requirement to my liking.
Once I've came to my decision, the process was fast and seamless - probably thanks to the pandemic/endemic. The moment I held the card in my hands, it was as though the troubles of living through COVID-19 dissipated into the air for a sweet minute.
"The picture that I'm looking at, looks like me. Feels like me. Is absolutely me."
Despite not having any substantial effect [yet(?)], it was liberating. I tuck it away nicely in my cardholder, with new determination that it is now time to live the life I truly want.
Fast-forward to 2022. Since I retained other aspects of my possible connections with the religion/race/culture such as my name [including the Jawi/Arabic alphabets], jobhunting felt a little new.
What drove me to write this was that whenever I receive jobs nowadays and they ask for my IC for legal reasons, I am more than happy to oblige. I pass them my card with pride.
It's not just about being forthcoming. Companies will now no longer see the disconnect between the legal content and the perception of the person they received. I don't have to manage additional expectations or explain things that I don't want to talk about to other people.
This is me. It's just me. Introducing, EZT.
Thank you and wishing you an honest life!~ ^^ \m/
EZTS8 <3
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